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Rare moments when I can drop my guard and surrender

Karachi: 24 October 2022: Sometimes, I look forward to midnights that won't let me fall asleep because they are rare moments when I can drop my guard, surrender the losing fights and no one else will know. Just me, my pillows, and my bedroom walls.
You see, a lot of times, I wonder about why happiness always seems out of reach for me, and I can't help but wonder if it has something to do with me chasing things that are never meant for me. That maybe, I just kept on telling myself that if I just don't give up, I'll get there somehow and before I know it, I'm already lost.
That's why I take refuge on midnights where I can allow myself to be weak. To finally let go of things that hurt so I can turn around and start over. So I can find my way back to being whole.
I allow myself to mourn everything left behind, and then, I drift away in dreams and silence, hoping for a better tomorrow.

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