Sometimes, it's important to just exist. It's okay to just be.

Hyderabad: 19November 2022: And some days when things get too hard, when people are breaking my heart over phone calls and texts, when my Mother says the same things she has apologised for before, when the best friend I have known has turned into a stranger, when the boy I loved has become a ghost of the past— on those days, I take the remaining piece of my heart and go outside. I throw my phone on my bed, I tell no soul the agony I am carrying. I put my boots on— the one I bought in a sale— and start walking. The twists and turns I make take me to a part of the city I am not truly familiar with. I walk until I don't know the streets like every corner of my home. Because sometimes, when I am going through the same things all over again, I lose sight of stuff that is important to me. Likewise, as I am walking in an unknown place, I find myself scanning every building, every street, every flower planted on the divider. For some reason, I can find the streets much livelier, much homely. The sky looks so orange; I don't remember the last time I had seen this hue. Maybe it's always been there but I was too busy, sitting in the bus, forgetting to see what's outside. The sparrows and pigeons eating the flour some bakery has sprinkled out for them, the children singing songs and walking hand in hand, the old couple who give each other support as they walk and are laughing talking about something, a boy like me walking the streets admiring everything — all of that is beautiful. I wonder if he is thinking the same things as I do; I am sure he is. Will he find some sort of lesson? Will this melting sunset teach him something that I am unaware of? I don't think so.
Maybe sometimes, it's important to just exist. It's okay to just be. I don't remember when was the last time I just existed, just let myself be the person I was. I have been looking for some golden flowers hidden in the rainbows when there's garden of roses blooming in my neighbour's garden. I don't want to overthink. When I go back home, I will have to answer people I don't want to. I will have to overexplain things while holding my tears in. But at this moment, I can just be who I am and I can be happy. At this moment, the sky is full of hope and my heart isn't aching so much. The world is whole right now, and I am standing right inside it.

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