Sometimes You dont have the right to be weak, stay productive even if you worn out, because you have no one to run to..

Hyderabad: 9 April 2022: Today I don't feel like myself again. It's been a long while since I last felt this way. It felt so heavy in my chest. There's something heavy pounding inside and I can't explain it. I find myself staring blankly most of the time. I can't think straight, it's like I'm lost somewhere inside my head. I want to cry but I can't. It starts to sink in, that we are finally over now.
I took a bath, longer than I usually do. I don't know, maybe I just badly needed it. I do a lot of stuff, I want to be physically tired so that I don't have time to overthink. I feel exhausted, I feel so tired. I made it. But the more tired I become the less I feel myself. I lose my appetite, something that only happens rarely. I don't have proper sleep too. It's like I'm being lost again, and this time I don't know what to do anymore.
I can't afford to lose my sanity again, but this time I guess I need a moment of silence. I want to blame you for making me feel this way. I want to blame you, I badly want to blame you, but at the end of the day, I can't, I just can't. Because deep in my heart, I still want you. I still want you back. But I know you might not believe me, so I'd rather not chase you.
It hurts me, it hurts me too much. I feel so overwhelmed by my emotions but the chaos remain unseen for I can't afford to be vulnerable on the surface. I had a lot of responsibilities, I don't have the right to be weak. I need to stay productive even if I'm already worn-out, because I have no one to run to. I have no none else to run to because I lost you.
I hope you realized how much pain you have caused me. I don't know if you're aware or you just chose to ignore it. But I want you to know that I am not okay. I will never be okay. And it's all because of you. I'm not blaming you, I will never blame you. All I just want you to know is that it's never gonna be easy for me, because I love you so much.
So please don't be too hard on me. If there will be times that I'll text you out of the blue, just let me. You don't need to response. But just let me, until I'm used to your absence and I finally accepted you're not mine anymore. Don't worry once I'm finally over you, I will stop being so annoying. Once I'm finally moved on, I will never disturb you anymore.

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