Things I still find hard to do


Hyderabad 15 October 2022: Saying goodbye to my favourite people. Picking up my Mother's call after a fight. Sleeping early. Combing my hair when I have nowhere to go. Talking to a stranger on the phone without making notes and practicing what I have to say. Memorising. Not having any control over eating when I find something delicious. Remembering how to spell 'Chrysanthemums'. Going on dates without the urge to walk away immediately. Being alone. Accepting my past. Living the present without any resentment. Saying the right things without making others confused. Eating mushrooms. Driving. Saying "I love you" for the first time without any regrets afterwards. Making friends. Worrying if I'm being selfish when it comes to my own happiness. Learning that it's better to be alone than being tolerated. Politics. Drawing. Realizing that there is enough joy for everyone and I don't have to do anything to deserve it. Accepting that it's not a crime if I haven't still figured out my life. Texting my friends after ages. Acknowledging my efforts and patting my back. Loving myself wholly. Not knowing why I need to be so kind to myself. Understanding that it's okay to not know.

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